One night in Mumbles

2006-05-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

5 weeks to go....

Well I am off to the good old US of A in 5 weeks. My very first Independence Day. What to expect? Surely some form of excitement, most probably tinged by sadness. After all, the independence celebrated is the independence from Albion’s Empire. But I shall disregard that, and focus on what should be a splendid day. On consulting a few sources, I find that the day is one of fireworks, ice cream, sunshine and patriotic bonhomie. As well it should. However, I can’t help but think that if a similar day was held in Britain, it would be one of cut-price sparklers, poor organisation and drunkenness. From this side of the pond, it’s clear that the US can put on a show. One of the benefits of being so openly patriotic is the opportunity to express feeling of national pride on an almost daily basis. Thus, showpieces are continually being honed, so that on the mother of all celebrations, everything clicks together nicely.

A plus, then. However, I can’t help but feel that alcohol would serve to be the beer-glazed cherry on top of this patriotic pie. If its one thing us Brits do well, its consume alcohol. Sure, it brings with it a fair share of problems, but on the whole, imbibing booze can raise an event. One thing that strikes me about the States is the relative taboo which surrounds alcohol, and more specifically, being drunk. I can’t help but think that the pressure put on people to drink so sensibly as to be quasi-mormon has a negative effect on the whole. You see it when sports trophies are one – “joyful” rioting. Students going mental, jumping up and down on cars. A result of bing-drinking? On a physio-logical level, defo. But why go crazy? If alcohol was more acceptable, people would drink less, more often. When the time then came to ramp it up, they would be able to handle it a little better. One thing that we do very well is drink after work. Whether it be post-college or post-office, a couple of drinks mellow the mood mightily, help to build / strengthen relationships and generate fresh thought.

Now I’m not saying Britain is the only model – perhaps one needs to look at Mediterranean cultures for an even better balance. As with most things in life, a little from column A and a little from column B turns out best.

2006-05-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

David and I

I must admit I feel bittersweet about the proliferation of David Hasselhoff inspired e-mails over the last couple of years. Yes, I can appreciate that this unique talent has captured the imaginations of nations across the globe, whether it be ironic, post-ironic, pre-ironic, or non-ironic. Yes, DH is deserving of this adoration and adulation. Why? Well I don’t think I’d be stretching the truth to label him an auteur. I mean, he’s starred in one of the 80’s all time great shows, and ergo, one of the finest shows of all time. He talked to a car, talked to his watch, mastered his testosterone so that he never once took advantage of the lovely girl in the blue boiler suit, AND had time to play his own evil twin brother. By doing the latter, he pioneered and pre-dated the George Michael Fastlove look by a good 15 years.
Next, he launched his own brand of power balladry in Germany. Not for him the normal markets, but a territory where oompah bands rule the roost. He eschewed the traditional entry points, and became an international advert for America, thus doing more than even Reagan for German-American relations. Name me another global celebrity who stood astride the Berlin Wall on the eve of its destruction? Who has done more for glasnost and perestroika?
Last, and most probably least, is Baywatch. I say least because the script was spread around several actors, and some scenes appeared not to feature David at all. Obviously, this must have led to several scriptwriters being dismissed, but by that point, the damage had been done. No amount of pneumatics from the female cast could paper the cracks. Nevertheless, despite this, the show became the most watched in televisual history. Perhaps lesser nations could not handle the dynamism of a full-time David, so his limited screen time was perhaps aimed as assuaging their under-developed ability to soak up the magnetism. So a master of demographics too.
Now, this has thus far read like a glowing obituary, but the more eagle-eyed reader(s?) will have spotted the word "bittersweet". Why? Well, in 1998, me and a buddy had the honour of meeting David. No just a "Look, its David!" fleeting moment, but a full on meeting. He stood what seemed like a good 5 feet taller than me, and enveloped us with his mighty arms. At full stretch, I would wager an albatross would struggle to match the span. But after a quick photo, he was gone. It was like winning the lottery, only to have a continual gust of wind blow the ticket forever away from your grasp. The point is, I now feel I have a piece of David, and he a piece of me. None of that intangible love from the fans, none of that ephemeral support through websites, but a real piece. All these other people cannot know David like I do, and I wish they’d stop pretending. I do appreciate that part of this entry may perpetuate the myth, but I’m just asking you fakers out there to lay off a man you don’t know like I do.
Devon Miles.

2006-05-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Its my b’day tomorrow, and I’m going to make it a special one by not going to my gym today. According to calculations, there have thus far been 131 days this year. During this time, I have paid my local gym a total of £200 in order to not attend said gym. A little foolhardy?

A resounding “No” is the correct answer, and for several reasons. Leaving your McDonald’s trays on the tables creates employment. So does joining a gym. They have to log me onto a system, submit my details to head office and occasionally update my records. If I were to attend said gym, along with all of the other like-minded individuals, then the opposite would be largely true. Capacity would be breached, thus increasing the likelihood of injuries, thus resulting in job losses for negligent staff. Admittedly, these injuries create employment for those in the health industry, but the NHS is already full to bursting point. I’m sure they would not welcome the workload my selfish gym-going actions would engender.

Another benefit. Imagine the scene....Sandy Beaches is walking in front of a bus. Does the bus stop? No. SB is flying through the air, SB is lying, busted, on the pavement. Barely conscious, he feels the just-arrived ambulance man rifle through wallet for id. He spots gym card. He calls to his partner, “We’ve got a fit one here, he’ll pull through”. This plants itself in my sub-consciousness, giving me the strength and will to pull through, most probably saving my life. Whether I go to the gym is moot, as its gonna be my mind, and not my body, that pulls me through.

Happy birthday Sandy, you are a positive force for the economy.

2006-04-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....not sure about this blogging malarkey. A little bit self-indulgent perhaps? Maybe my puffed-up ego needs buffing, and why of course people will be interested in my eminently witty thoughts, and the comments posted here will no doubt cut like a hot knife of insight through the superficial butter of life.

What are the rules and regs? How often do I post? Do I post when I have nothing to say (i.e. now)? Topics, I need topics. One thing I guarantee is that you will find little of value here, Pepys I most certainly am not. I note it is de rigeur to post links, so here is my first.

http://www.pepysdiary.com/

Next installment: Celeb watch coming up here v.soon